In this candid and heartfelt post, I am opening up about a profound experience that has significantly impacted my spiritual and personal growth, the journey with plant medicine, specifically my Ayahuasca ceremony. Yes, it truly happened. Initially, I hesitated to share this publicly, fearing it might offend some or cause me to lose readers. I also anticipated potential judgment or misunderstanding. However, after much reflection, I’ve decided to embrace vulnerability and transparency because I believe that the lessons I’ve gained could resonate with and inspire your own path toward healing.
This experience aligns deeply with the core themes we explore regularly on the Ancient Purity Blog such as spirituality, healing, and personal development. My hope is that by sharing my story, you might find insights or encouragement to embark on your own trip of self-discovery and transformation. While I still feel some trepidation about having this published, I am committed to showing up authentically and sharing the raw truths of my growth process. Consider this article a testament to my intention to be fully transparent, even when it feels uncomfortable.
A Note on Boundaries & Respect
Before diving into the details, I want to acknowledge that I will not disclose every aspect of my Ayahuasca experience. Many elements are sacred, personal, and private, and I wish to honour the integrity of the tradition. Instead, I will focus on the insights and lessons that I believe could be meaningful for you. I will begin by addressing frequently asked questions about Ayahuasca and my overall experience. Let’s begin…
What is Ayahuasca? An Overview of the Sacred Plant Medicine
Ayahuasca, often affectionately called “Aya,” is a potent, natural plant medicine with roots dating back over 2,500 years. It is a ceremonial brew crafted by combining the vine of the Banisteriopsis caapi plant with leaves from the Psychotria viridis shrub, both native to the Amazon rainforest. Revered as “La Purga” (The Purge), Ayahuasca is renowned for its intense physical and psychological effects including nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, sweating, shaking, and more. Importantly, it is not a recreational drug; rather, it is a sacred tool used by indigenous tribes for spiritual and healing purposes. The origins of Ayahuasca’s discovery are shrouded in mystery, but many tribes believe shamans received visions guiding them to create this medicine. Considering the vast biodiversity of the Amazon which is home to approximately 80,000 plant species, finding the precise combination that induces such profound spiritual experiences seems nothing short of miraculous. My own trip with Ayahuasca has reinforced my belief in its visionary origins. For indigenous communities, Ayahuasca is a sacred tradition, integral to their cultural identity and spiritual practices. It is believed to facilitate conscious healing, connecting people to their inner selves, ancestors, and the divine feminine energy often personified as “Mother Ayahuasca” or “The Grandmother.”
The Feminine Energy of Ayahuasca
Throughout my experience, I came to see Ayahuasca as embodying divine feminine energy. She is often referred to as “Her,” “Mother,” or “The Mother of All,” representing nurturing, creative, and transformative forces. Conversely, her counterpart, Peyote, is viewed as masculine energy, often called “Him.” Respecting these energies is essential to honouring the tradition and sacredness of the medicine.
How Did I Discover Ayahuasca and Its Ceremonies?
My initial awareness of Ayahuasca emerged years ago through a podcast, followed by conversations with friends who had participated in ceremonies in Bolivia. Over time, these synchronicities, podcasts, conversations and social media posts began to shift my perception from scepticism to curiosity. Admittedly, the idea of drinking a brew that induces intense purging and altered states initially terrified me. I thought, “No way I’m puking in the jungle for a spiritual experience.” Yet, beneath that fear was a deep curiosity: Could this medicine help me answer fundamental questions. Is God real? Can I experience divine connection? What does spiritual awakening truly feel like? Despite my apprehensions, I felt compelled to explore further, driven by a desire for authentic spiritual insight.
My Initial Fears & Misconceptions
Growing up in the 1980s, I was heavily influenced by the D.A.R.E. program, which painted psychedelics and plant medicines as dangerous and destructive. Naturally, I associated Ayahuasca with risk, fearing brain damage, addiction, or losing my sense of self. For years, I limited my exploration to alcohol, cannabis and occasional LSD use, avoiding anything that might threaten my stability or identity. The idea of engaging with plant medicine felt like stepping into the unknown, dangerous, unpredictable, and potentially life-altering in ways I wasn’t prepared for. However, witnessing friends’ transformations and hearing their stories gradually chipped away at my resistance. When I confided my fears to my Thai Traditional Medicine doctor, I learned that plant medicines are powerful tools for rewiring the nervous system and healing trauma, insights I had never encountered in my prior understanding. This shift in perspective was pivotal. I realised that Ayahuasca is not about reckless experimentation but about intentional, sacred healing when approached with respect, preparation, and proper guidance.
The Reality of the Ceremony – Challenges & Revelations
My first Ayahuasca ceremony was a profound rollercoaster, simultaneously the most intense and transformative experience of my life. It challenged me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The physical toll was significant: nausea, vomiting, and exhaustion. Many participants, including myself, considered leaving at various points. The discomfort was real, but elders and facilitators explained that this purging is an energetic release, an essential part of the healing process. Emotionally, I felt layers of suppressed pain, fear, and resistance surface. Yet, alongside the discomfort, I experienced moments of deep love, connection and support, both from the medicine and the community around me.
The Power of Purging
Purging is often viewed as a rite of passage in Ayahuasca ceremonies. While not everyone vomits or experiences physical symptoms, for those who do, it symbolises releasing negative energy, old traumas and emotional baggage. For me, it was a cathartic process, an essential step toward clarity and renewal.
Synchronicities & Symbols – Messages from Mother Ayahuasca
One of the most remarkable aspects of my trip was the series of synchronicities that unfolded, signs and symbols that seemed to guide and support me. Shortly after committing to my ceremony, I began seeing lizards everywhere, live lizards in my yard, lizard imagery in art and media, jewelry and graffiti. Traditionally, lizards symbolise transformation, rebirth and healing. Concepts that resonated deeply with my intentions. A vision during meditation revealed a purple lizard accompanied by the words “Brigid” and “healing.”
“I am the Lizard King, I can do anything!” – Jim Morisson – Celebration of the Lizard
This profound encounter with the lizard and the mention of Brigid, which is an Irish goddess associated with healing, poetry and fertility, felt like a powerful message from the universe. It signified that my trip was aligned with deep transformation and divine healing energies. The lizard, often misunderstood in Western culture, is revered in many traditions as a symbol of rebirth, renewal, and the shedding of old layers to emerge anew. This synchronicity reinforced my trust in the process and the guidance I was receiving. It also reminded me to remain open to signs and messages that appear in unexpected ways, as they often carry the keys to our growth and understanding. Throughout the days leading up to and following my ceremony, I continued to notice these symbols, graffiti, jewelry and dreams, all pointing toward themes of transformation, healing and rebirth. I did extensive research, discovering that many spiritual traditions view lizards and snakes as sacred symbols of healing and renewal. For instance, in medical symbolism, the caduceus features intertwined snakes, representing health and healing. This ongoing dialogue with symbols and signs became a vital part of my integration process, helping me to interpret and embody the lessons from my experience. It also deepened my appreciation for the interconnectedness of all things and the subtle ways the universe communicates with us.
The Role of Intention & Connection with Mother Ayahuasca
One of the most profound realisations I had was the importance of setting a clear intention before the ceremony. I entered with a desire for healing, specifically to connect more deeply with my authentic self. This intention became a guiding light during the experience, allowing me to surrender to whatever lessons and insights were meant for me. Throughout the trip, I felt a nurturing, feminine presence, like a wise, compassionate mother, supporting me through the turbulence and beauty alike. This energy, often personified as “Mother Ayahuasca,” felt like a divine maternal force, holding space for my growth and transformation. Her energy was both fierce and gentle, demanding honesty and surrender, yet offering unconditional love and support.
Reflections on the Sacredness & Responsibility of Working with Ayahuasca
Given the profound power of Ayahuasca, I believe it is essential to approach her with respect, humility, and responsibility. The indigenous tribes who have safeguarded this medicine for centuries view it as sacred, a gift meant for healing and spiritual evolution, not entertainment or superficial exploration. As Westerners, it’s our duty to honour this tradition by seeking out reputable, ethically responsible ceremonies led by experienced indigenous shamans or trained facilitators who respect the medicine’s origins. It’s also crucial to understand the cultural and environmental impact of expanding Ayahuasca use beyond its traditional context. Supporting indigenous communities, respecting their sovereignty, and ensuring that the medicine is used ethically are vital steps in honoring this sacred plant.
Post-Ceremony – The Journey of Integration
The work doesn’t end when the ceremony concludes. In fact, the real transformation begins afterward what is known as integration. Ayahuasca reveals truths and insights, but it’s up to us to incorporate these lessons into our daily lives. I found that giving myself time and space to process was essential. Resting, journalling, seeking support from therapists or mentors, and staying open to ongoing signs and synchronicities helped me to solidify the growth. I also committed to practices like meditation, reflection, and conscious action to align my life with the insights gained.
Would I Do It Again?
This question lingers. While the experience was undeniably transformative, sometimes beautiful, sometimes brutal, I remain cautious. The depth of the trip revealed that Ayahuasca is not a casual tool; it demands respect, preparation and a willingness to face uncomfortable truths. I acknowledge that for some, this path may not be necessary or appropriate. There are countless other modalities for healing such as therapy, meditation, journalling, breathwork that can be equally powerful. For me, Ayahuasca was a catalyst for profound change, but I am also aware of its intensity and the commitment it requires.
My trip with Mother Ayahuasca has been one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life. It has shown me the depths of my resilience, the importance of surrender, and the sacredness of healing. I now see myself, and life, through a new lens, with greater compassion, awareness, and purpose. If you feel called to explore this path, I encourage you to do so with reverence, thorough research, and a clear intention. Trust your intuition, seek out responsible guides, and prioritise your safety and spiritual integrity. Remember, true healing is a continuous process, one that requires patience, commitment and self-love. Whether you choose to work with plant medicines or other healing modalities, the most important step is to approach your growth journey with openness and respect, for yourself, for the traditions and for the sacred interconnectedness of all life. If you are contemplating embarking on a profound spiritual journey through an Ayahuasca ceremony during your visit to Northern Thailand, I highly recommend exploring the offerings of the Plant Medicine Retreat Thailand. This reputable and thoughtfully curated retreat provides a sacred space for deep healing, self-discovery and transformation, guided by experienced facilitators who honour the sacred traditions of plant medicine. To learn more about their programs, philosophy, and how they create a safe and supportive environment for your trip, please visit the official Plant Medicine Retreat Thailand website.
“When you drink ayahuasca, and you get to see divinity, you can almost never speak of it because it’s too big for words.” – Gerard Armond Powell
